Facebook is kinda like a soap opera…. a dull, boring soap opera… who’s doing what and all that. All the stuff that doesn’t get filmed. Soap operas show the fights, the lovemaking, the illnesses and all the exciting stuff, but they don’t show the boring bits like going to work (unless you’re a medical person), or doing your taxes, cleaning your house and shit like that.
It’s like life.
Mostly dull and boring with a few highs and lows and things that genuinely mean something.
Take for example what first pops up when I sign onto Facebook.
This guy bought a new printer. Good for you, I’m sure you needed one, but do you really need to share this with the world? I bought a new hat, but I’m not going to waste people’s time with this information. If you know me, you’ll see me in it at some point and either comment on it or not.
This chick is drinking organic coffee and doing paperwork. I’m thrilled. I’m eating cold Chinese food and a glass of orange juice, whilst trying to figure out why all of you are posting insignificant crap for others to read, but I’m not going to share that with the world either.
Another person posted a link to an article about a grandma who’s planning a Tea Party. Why does she feel the need to share this?
Her husband posted a 30 second vid of their grandson playing the trumpet — badly. Am I supposed to laugh/cry/encourage/care about this kid’s musical efforts? You want to get to Carnegie Hall? PRACTICE!
This other guy posted about 50 pics of something, somewhere, with people in it I don’t know. Some of the pics are pretty, but are they really worth my time to look at?
I’m trying to find something I have in common with the human race, and I see nothing. I seem to slip further and further into complete apathy with a touch of anthropophobism (fear of people). People scare me because I never know what they’ll say or do to trigger the buttons in my head that only serve as reminders that I’m alone in a world full of people who seem to care greatly about stupid shit other people can’t even spell correctly.
For example, my landlady breezes upstairs for a bit and regales me with information while I’m trying to work.
She said that it was a busy week for her (they all are because she tries to cram 12 days worth of stuff into 7)… starting with this, that and the other thing that I don’t care about… sequeing into this, that and this other thing about somebody else I neither know nor care about is doing… finally ending with the fact that her primary boyfriend has changed their plans for this week because an out-of-town ex-girlfirend is feeling sad and blue and doesn’t think she should be left alone… my landlady is upset because she had to change her plans, and upset because this other person she’s never met is sorrowful. She cares… most people would I think. I felt nothing but annoyance because she was taking up my time with bullshit I don’t care about! I didn’t say much, and when she commented that I was being awful quiet, I tried to make up some pleasant lie, but I couldn’t think of one, so I said,
“I’m just trying to concentrate on my work here.”
She gave me a look… a hurt look that spoke a million words I couldn’t interpret, so I just let loose….
“I really don’t have much to say about these people because I don’t know them, nor do I give a shit about them, so I have no idea what type of response you’re looking for from me. You’re always complaining that you never get things done, and THIS is part of the reason why…. you’re already late for an appointment, and instead of heading out to it, you stand there and waste another 30 minutes telling me all this bullshit that isn’t important. You’ve not only delayed yourself, but everyone else who’s in that meeting will now either have to truncate the meeting to meet other obligations, forcing them to reschedule to finish what this meeting was supposed to accomplish, or they’ll have to cancel other meetings or plans to cover the time lost because you couldn’t get there on time.”
She said that just listening was probably the only thing I could do. I said that since I had listened, I guess my task was finished and she should get on to her meeting.
I meant what I said. I do not feel connected to the human race.
I don’t care about people because it has been illustrated on more than one occasion by more than one person that people in general do not care about me or my problems. All I ever get is, hang in there, or it’ll get better soon, or love yourself as they walk away, so I no longer bother trying.
Hell, even my (cough, hack) boyfriend doesn’t get it. I was trying to talk to him on a serious level about my problem, and all I get from him is, “You have interests…. you like music and hats and movies.” Then he quickly changed the topic of conversation to some bullshit somebody said on Twitter.
There’s some great conversation starters for you — NOT.
When I was younger, it didn’t bother me so much. I just got used to being alone in a crowd.
Nowadays I want to connect, but haven’t the first clue how. It’s a skill I never learned, and since I’m so good at obtaining what I need on my own, I never learned to suck up to people so they’d help me move or something. I’ve helped a shitload of people move, but whenever I moved, it was always… gee, I have concert tickets or a school play or some other excuse. Helping others only got me used… never helped in return, so fuck ’em.
Even here really. I mean, how do people find these silly blogs to comment on? I’m bitching at the wind here. I don’t even get hateful comments from people who think I’m a bitch, so I still feel all alone in a world full of people reading and posting BULLSHIT.
It was suggested that maybe I should just pretend to care until I discovered I do care. I actually tried that, but that just makes me feel like a hypocrite and a liar — two types of people I detest with a passion.
That’s my passion… hating hypocrites and liars and smug bastards who think they have the answer because they’re “enlightened” in one way or another… be it through finding Jesus (I didn’t know he was lost… call the Pope), dianetics, Bikram Yoga, or the joys of Tantric Sex and ecstatic dancing.
I’m thrilled for you…. go share it with someone who cares.